Dream a little dream. Again. And again.

I have a recurring dream. Well, a theme really. The dream differs every time.

The Persistence of Memory

Sometimes its the first day of school or varsity. Sometimes I’ve transferred mid semester.

Sometimes I am all alone when I get there and others there are tons of people, all of them know each other and know where they are going.

The theme though, is that I am late and I don’t know where to go. Why? Because I cant find my class schedule and I haven’t memorised it. 

The dream usually entails me wondering around, trying to figure out where I’m supposed to be and knowing that no matter when I get there I am going to be late, the class almost or actually over.

Sometimes I get to the class and sometimes I wake up before I get there but I always wake up an anxious bundle of nerves.

Meh! So many issues I can pick out of these dreams. 

Who else has recurring dreams?

Clouds and dogs, right now they are both black…

Right now I feel like I am sitting under a great big black cloud, just threatening to open up and drench me.  Behind me sits a huge slobbering black dog, waiting to swallow me whole in just one gulp.

I take my Cipralex every night and even though my anxiety is being kept at bay I am tired…

Maybe its this time of year.  2 years since my brother died.  Crappy money situation due to a very long December. Hit the ground running at work.

Maybe its because I feel like crap.  I have never been heavier (unless I was pregnant) and I feel fat and frumpy.  I am going to gym, I do Pilates, yoga and Zumba, I keep getting heavier.  I am eating healthier, smaller portions, I am still getting heavier.  My face is sore again, this thing on the side of my nose is sore and ugly.  I have an appointment with the dermo later today.

Maybe its because I am physically tired.  Darling Faith has been waking up nearly every morning just after 12:30 and wants me to lie with her and it takes me a while to get back to sleep.

Maybe its a little bit of everything combined.

I know it will get better, I know everything will be fine but sheesh, I am tired.  Emotionally, mentally, physically.