Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

Dearest me,

I love that you are carrying our 2nd child.

I love that you have an amazing family.

I love that you are brave enough to talk about PND and depression in general and that you have the courage to do something about it.

I love that you were able to finish this meme, even when some of the questions were a bit naff or redundant.

I love that you are becoming comfortable with yourself, including all your flaws, both physical and emotional.

Most of all I just love you!

Love always,

Me 🙂

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? AMENDED!

I have an amendment to this post I did earlier…

I am not the most observant person when it comes to important dates and stuff.  I always forget birthdays and anniversaries and if its not in my diary forget about it.  Today is no different *blush*…

My Hubband just posted this post and I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Right now…

The BEST thing going for me is my husband and children.


You are my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my conscience, my heart, my motivation.

I am so glad our mothers meddled enough to get us to go on that first date.

I love you Hubband!

With all my heart, all my soul and every fibre of my being.


Your Wife.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

Right now…

I have 16 working days left until I take 2 weeks annual leave followed by 4 MONTHS of maternity leave.

I have a OB appointment tomorrow and we get to see #theSQL again.

I am off to be pampered on Friday morning at a day spa (which is so very much needed right now).

I have a fantastic family and wonderful friends.

Right now…

I am truly blessed 🙂


Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

Yes, after Aaron was born I suffered from undiagnosed Post Natal Depression (PND) with an underlying depression caused by the death of my father.

There were times that I lay on the floor, sobbing and tearing at my hair when I thought to myself that me being the way I was wasn’t beneficial for anyone, least of all my newborn son.  It was in those dark dark spaces that I thought it would be better for everyone if I wasn’t around.

If it hadnt been for Paul, sitting next to me, holding my hand or hugging me tight and reminding me that he needed me, that he loved me, that our son needed his mother…

Who knows.

It took me a year to gain the courage to see someone and speak to them about what I was feeling.

That was two years ago.  I take a daily tablet that lessens my anxiety and makes me see that the ‘impossible’ things are actually possible, that they are achievable.  I still go to speak to my therapist, not as often as I used to but as often as I need to.

Im so glad that I did take that step to speak about what I was feeling.

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

Miracles and guardian angels!

I dont think I have ever actually written this story down although many of my friends know what happened…

At the beginning of 1999, I was in 2nd year at UNISA, studying at Allenby Campus.  It was my rebellious year and as such I had moved out of home into a commune of sorts with my then boyfriend and 3 other people.  The house was in Cyreldine and belonged to the only other girl in the house’s father.

One evening, I seem to recall  it was sometime over the Easter weekend, the other girl in the house and I were getting ready to go to a friends house down the road.  I was playing cards in the lounge with my boyfriend while I waited for her to be ready.

I remember hearing a noise and looking up expecting it to be her, instead it was two men who had walked in through our unlocked door (yes I know, and thats a lesson I have never forgotten).  They each had a gun, to be honest all I can remember of these men was the huge silver guns they were pointing at us.

Just as I realised what was happening, the girl I was waiting for came round the corner, smack bang into these guys!  They ordered us all to the floor and told us not to look at their (uncovered) faces.  They then asked if there were other people in the house.  There were.  One of the other house mates was in his bedroom with his girlfriend.

They told us to get up and show us where they were.  They knocked on the door and then opened it.  Here are the first few miracles.  The two of them were naked, she grabbed the duvet and covered herself.  He yanked on boxers.  The first miracle is that they did not rape her, or myself or the other girl.  The second miracle is that they didnt push us all into that room (and this will become clear why later on in the story), they told the two of them to come out and pushed us into the next room, my room.

They made us all lay down face down on the futon and then locked us in the room.  The next thing we knew the TV had been turned all the way up, I assume in order to drown out any noise we or they might make.  At this point I think we were all in shock and just lay there.  Im not sure how long it took before one of the men came back into the room.  He came in to tell us to keep quiet and ask where our bags and cell phones were, he then pointed his gun at us and told us he would kill us if we moved or made a noise.  He then locked us in again.

This happened a few times.  While this was all going on the other girl’s cell kept ringing, eventually they turned it off.  Then the land line kept ringing until they yanked it out the wall.  It was the friend down the road calling to see where we were.

The second to last time they came into the room was to take the radio off the bookshelf and to tell us that they wanted to take the car at the back of the line (single file driveway).  It was my car and my boyfriend said he would start it for them as it had a tricky immobiliser.  I honestly didnt expect him to come back to us.  They loaded up the car and he started it.  Then they brought him back in.  They told us that they were coming back and we mustn’t move or they would kill us.

They again locked us in and a few minutes later the sound of the TV went off and we heard them leave in my car.  Here is where the next miracle occurred…

Earlier in the day we had all been out to play Put-Put.  I had bought a t-shirt and had it in a plastic bag.  My old Alcatel cell had only one bar of battery and was next to useless so I had thrown it in the bag and when we got home, thrown the bag, t-shirt and cell into my cupboard and promptly forgot about it.  It was only after these men had driven away that the friend down the road decided to try my cell.  She had called numerous times on the other girls phone and on the land line but never on mine!

Remember when I said it was a miracle that they didnt push us into the first room but made our house mate and his girlfriend come out and into my room?  If they hadnt we would not have had access to my cell!

We got such a fright when it rang.  I had completely forgotten about it being in that bag.  I got up and answered it but because the battery was so low our friend couldnt hear me even though I could hear her.  I ended the call and dialled 112 and the next 2 miracles were that not only could I hear the operator, she could hear me and that the battery lasted, by all rights after the call from our friend it should have died!  I told her where we were and what had happened and she stayed on the phone with me until the cops got there.  Im not sure how long it took them but it couldnt have been very long.

Im not sure why those men never came back or why they decided not to kill us before they left.  My boyfriend had said that he heard them loading rounds into the guns.  They were vicious and mean when they spoke to us.  Rough when they handled us.  But they never came back.

So many small and insignificant details, things that could easily be overlooked and yet when you put the story together, those little miracles saved us.

Im totally convinced that guardian angels were watching over us that night.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

Dearest Hubband,

Here is a playlist I made of songs that make me think of you!

  1. Thankyou, Stars – Katie Melua – Our first dance at our wedding 🙂
  2. Come Away with Me – Norah Jones – This one makes me want to cuddle up with you.
  3. New Soul – Yael Naim – The song that calmed Aaron as a baby
  4. Spring – Vivaldi – One of many classical pieces on your iPod 🙂
  5. The entire soundtrack from The Dark Night – cause I know you love it.
  6. The entire soundtrack from Superman Returns – cause I know you LOVE it!
  7. Forever (the blue song) – Chris Brown – cause i know it drives you nuts 😉
  8. 21 Guns – Greenday – cause I know its starting to drive you nuts 😉 🙂

Love you Hubband!

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

Finish my degree.

Or more accurately I wish I had started the degree I wanted to do instead of the one I thought I should do.

I wanted to become an archeologist.  Its a dream I have had for ages, partly inspired by these books.  Instead I let myself be convinced that I should do a BA Communications.  I hated it.

When I was held up in the house I was staying in during 2nd year and all my assignments and workbooks were stolen with the bag they were in, I used it as a convenient excuse to take a break and go overseas.  I never went back to finish that degree.

One day, when the kids are older, when I dont have to work  full time, then I will go and study what I am passionate about, it may not be archeology by then but it will be something I want to learn!

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life

*You can find the list of links of my full 30 Days of Truth here.

That one is easy.  I wish I had not lost my virginity the way I did.

It was on matric holiday in Cape Town to a guy I really didnt know that well.  He was very sweet and caring and kept asking if I was sure.  At that point I was sure, I was 18, finished school and tired of being a virgin.  Cliché I know.   He was gentle and sweet and it wasn’t a bad experience at all.

Looking back, as pleasant an experience as it was, I wish I had waited until it could have been with someone I really cared about.